A Rough Draft of the Drunk Text I am Typing From the Bar Bathroom

Hey I know it’s been a while and our whole past is checkered, but this

isn’t about that / I am at the bar / which probably sounds normal for

me but in truth / I haven’t drank in two and a half years / yet now I’m

here / I met a girl with wild curly hair and she told me she has pain

beyond repair / tells me she lays in bed catatonic for four days a month

/ tells me there are knives on her insides that breathe fire when she

tosses one back / precisely why she’s drinking a mocktail / I told her

about the demons growing inside us / insidious and taboo / burrowing

into our tissue / I pounded three more shots / I warned you I am a

lightweight now / your face replaced hers / her hair straighter and her

face full of freckles / my brain filled to the brim with once compressed

memories / your doctor performs ablation / charring your insides

and doing nothing but enraging deep disease / she gives out pills like

they are candy rather than poison / you deserve to have competent surgery

/ I am writing this message to add some key sources to your research

/ I am writing because I feel as guilty as your doctor / I am writing because

even if I hate you / you don’t deserve your insides to be whittled down

and then burned / I am writing because I am sorry / I am writing because

I was wrong / I am writing because I am afraid and angry / I am writing

because the guilt feels almost as damning as this disease / I am writing

/ I am erasing / I am sorry