Tohm Bakelas plays poetry

I’d rather be Richard Speck

than Gary Snyder - David Lerner

i want to be a poet but

i don’t want to be a poet,

do you understand?

i want my name written

in smoke across blue skies

and carved upon the backs

of immortal sparrows and

seared into the fractured minds

of the living and the dead

i want my words chiseled

into the sides of empty buildings

that serve no purpose but

to take up space so that

people passing by can

have a reason to complain

i want my words planted

in the screaming mouths

of drought-stricken flowers

that beg for rain beneath

the merciless burning

august sun

i want to be a poet but

i don’t want to be a poet,

do you understand?

i once believed that to be a great poet

you had to publish every damn poem

you wrote and that anything less

was considered failure

i once filled my nights with writing

as many poems as possible

and not giving a shit if any

of it was good or decent

now i write my poems by rewriting

the same fucking lines

i wrote years ago,

just somewhat

slightly different

now i take my poems,

and beat them like a dirty rug,

drag them through streets

like a disobedient dog,

let them incubate while

i catch my breath and

sleep off the hell

there is no right way to do it,

everyone does it differently,

do you understand?

every poet i read is dead,

they all sought something greater

that ended in suicide

i have a masters degree in social work

and the highest clinical license

in the state of new jersey,

but it’s not literature

it’s not poetry

i barely follow rules and fight with

clenched teeth against bureaucracy

that sticks hot knives into my hands

and bandages up the damages with

the promise of a pension at 63 years old,

but it’s not literature

it’s not poetry

new jersey has not elected me

the poet laureate of the state,

new jersey has not given me

grants to be a poet

new jersey doesn’t give a fuck

about me or my poetry

and why should they, do you?